Bristol Duncan Writes

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Category Archives: Humor

Surprise

Almost dying is kind of like sex in high school.  If you ever found out how many times it almost happened to you, you’d be amazed.

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Agile Programming How To

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Modern Pledge of Allegiance

We pledge allegiance to the corporations, and to the profits for which they stand, one currency under CEO, indivisible, with voting stock and justice for the wealthy.

With blind faith we vow to entrust oil companies and forbid the government to find alternative sources of fuel that will end big oil’s rein. Nor shall anyone associate record profits of oil companies with the high price commoners pay at the pump; instead blame speculators and political opponents.

We shall disregard separation of church and state, and belittle any who question the tax free status of organizations using pulpits to disseminate political messages, and religious gatherings to further political agendas.

The poor shall be guilty until proven innocent so that politicians can look tough on crime and law enforcement need not be encumbered by civil rights, before the best judges corporate money can buy.

We pledge to be unlike all other developed nations and disavow providing healthcare to all.  Soulless corporations make more money treating symptoms than providing cures, hence we shall scorn the poor and let pharmaceutical and insurance companies profit from their ills.

Yeah, that the government require all people to give insurance companies more money or face severe financial penalties from the government.

Let our children be sickly and ignorant for we shall spend exorbitant amounts of time and money on laws so strangers can perform the functions that should be a parents responsibility.  Yeah, that state bureaucrats have the right to take away our children without due process.  We shall support this by taking away from education and healthcare, because we’re told those things are highly overrated.

Let not the media question, instead stick to talking points drafted by political consultants.

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